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The Importance of Choice - in Horse Training and Life (PART I)

Writer's picture: Kathy YriarteKathy Yriarte

Updated: Jan 20

One of many things I learned while working with survivors of sex trafficking and commercial sexual exploitation several years ago is that

a yes is only valid if no is an option.

I apply this concept daily in my horsemanship.

If a person or horse does not feel safe or able to refuse a request due to force, fear, intimidation or the threat thereof, then they are not truly willing to do, or accepting of, what is being asked of them.

That is not a choice.

A hesitant attempt when asked followed by a "no" is still a "no". The attempt should absolutely be praised while the "no" is respected.

I make a point these days to rarely say "no" to things my horse offers in response to my requests unless my physical safety is threatened or they risk injury in an emergency situation. It is imperative in these situations that the "no" is not punitive but simply preventative. For example, a horse attempting to bite would be blocked, but not hit.


My goal is to create situations where my horse wants to say "yes" and if I receive a "no", there is no correction-simply redirection. The value of this is that she feels empowered to try different things without fear of punishment. That usually leads to more creative effort on her part and more enthusiasm when I redirect her rather than frustration. It also allows my horse to show me what she knows how to do well that I may not have even thought to ask her to try. Training therefore becomes a conversation rather than a dictatorship where I micromanage every footfall and every movement she makes. These conversations in horse training also help to avoid the horse responding out of fear which is inherently more dangerous for both the human and the horse.


It is equally important that we do not become so focused on the goal that we lose respect for our partners. Asking over and over, threatening, pleading, badgering, bribing relentlessly until they finally give in is not the same as an enthusiastic "yes". Giving in is at best a placating response out of fear (fawning) and at worst big step towards learned helplessness.


Choice is fundamental to a partnership. Because a horse-human partnership is inherently disproportionate in favor of the human, we have a responsibility to afford the horse as many opportunities for choice as possible. To do anything less is akin to slavery.


The ability to say "no" and have that boundary respected is what builds safety and trust.

The ability to hear "no", for the human, requires humility and respect.






 

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